I think when we met I must have been about 90-100kg. I pretty much hung around there after we had met. 6 months after we had met I discovered I was pregnant….wow SHOCK! It was scary & exciting at the same time. At the time I was working away at the mines so was only home every second weekend for 3 days. After we got over the shock I was excited. I think he was too. We were all booked in for what was going to be our 12 week scan according to my dates, and couldn’t wait to go. I didn’t know what to expect to be looking at when we got there. The lady didn’t really say anything during the ultra sound, she just took some pictures, measurements and didn’t say a word. Then the words that no one wants to hear…sorry there is no heatbeat. I was measuring 8 weeks and had no physical signs of miscarriage. I was rushed back to my GP who rushed me and appointment with an Obstitrition. I had a d&c that same afternoon and had to stay overnight because I had excessive bleeding. It all just happened so fast I don’t think either of us had time to let it sink in. I had got an infection which ended up with me having a second operation with key hole surgery.
It doesn't matter how many people will say there is nothing i could have done, it's not my fault etc. i have always blamed myself and my weight for losing our baby. I felt alone and didn't know what else to do. No one ever asked how i felt and if i was ok or if they could do anything for me. Everyone acted like nothing had even happened. I was determind in my own mind that i would never let this happen again (still blaming my weight) so i decided that was it. As soon as i got the all clear from my Operations i joined the gym and i joined Weight Watchers and so began my first serious attempt at weightloss and exercise.....
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